We have been together for about 13 years, married for 3. To pay for a home she would need to sell her house. And you really need to discuss with your husband how he can fulfill his promise to take care of his mother without sacrificing your nuclear familys safety and comfort. June 18, 2015, 9:53 am. Do I hope that he still makes time for me and does what he can to help in my hour of need? She came into this house totally unaware of the current state of her MILs condition, was totally unprepared to handle it, and her husband seemingly isnt on board with making changes (ie he wants to buy another house eventually and keep on living together). Its really easy to theorize what it is like taking care of a wacko (through no fault of their own). I want to know how messed up the husband is from how shitty of a mother he had. I think this letter writer is giving off the impression of being a bit self-centered and entitled and it might be helpful to point this out to her. I was thinking the same about the honey thing. I have to agree with all of the people who chimed in about mother sounding like a very typical right hemisphere stroke patient. And I wasnt even the primary care giver! Making you his main priority and breaking away from his family is, in the end, his decision. I agree with Wendy that caring for someone doesnt mean having to live with them and care for them yourself. Sunshine Brite When you hate your husband so much, could there be another person? ? Thankfully, this article has done a great job highlighting common reasons wives hate their husbands and what they can do. Accept that he can never be the charming prince you see on the television. Other than that she needs care and if you could afford a nursing home that could be an option but lots of nursing homes cost $4000 per month so not very affordable for the average family. I think it is important the letter writer is honest with herself and her husband about this before they commit to buying a house. I am always kind and civil and I do ask my husband how she is from time to time but I do not contact her in any way. However, you should check yourself when you start drifting away from your partner. something random Is this a normal feeling? Not sure what youre talking about. Wow, well I do think this response is pretty harsh. The famous statement that marriage isnt a bed of roses comes true here. Right? High moral principles. Still, it's important not to bad mouth or criticize your in-laws to your spouse. And yes, some of the LWs examples, like the knife left out on the counter, seem to be overly dramatic. Well, you need to stop that. One such situation might make you say, I hate my husband. The first step to solving this problem is knowing why you cant see eye-to-eye with your spouse. Youre willing to make the enormous sacrifice of living rent-free with your horrible MIL now, while you cant afford your own place, but as soon you have a job and wont need any of her finances, you will no longer be willing to make any kind of sacrifice when it comes to her and believe your husband should break his promise to take care of her? Well how nice of you to presume to know that about me. Hes feeding her a line. You probably hate him because he is flawed. At the very least, youd think if she cared nothing for the MIL, shed have at least cared enough about her 8-year-old daughter (if not herself) to check out the situation before moving in. But she married her husband and he comes with her mother. The fact that Mom is providing the roof currently does not give her carte blanche for any and all bad behaviour. He blames you for the problems in your relationship. It also sounds like she is doing the care that her husband should be doing seeing how its his mother. For what we have (3 bedrooms, 1 bath on one side, 2 bedrooms, 1 bath on the other and a usable but not completely finished basement on both sides that are the size of the upstairs) we would have paid at least twice as much for a house with the same number of rooms (or even fewer). makes you sound super petty and ridiculous. The thing is if she wasnt happy she should have moved out. Hey MIL, I am a little concerned because of your health problems about the safety of the baby, but Id love if youd help with XYZ when you can and if you want to. It sounds like she has some assets so she probably would need to private pay but check out disability/elderly services with your county to see if there are local community based options to try and take some of the weight off of the caregiving which may make it more tolerable or help connect you with a care center for her if she is too unwell to live on her own again with sometimes help. Why do I feel like I hate my husband? The harsh truth is that you have a vague and unrealistic idea of marriage. June 18, 2015, 11:29 am. Imagine how shocking it is to hear some wives say, I hate my husband so much. What could be the reason for this statement, and what can you do? These differences tend to clash when you dont compromise and make individuals incompatible. Love is what we expect in a marriage, so a dislike for our spouse makes us anxious and stressed. something random If you and your partner disagree, you can talk through the reasons and try to reach a compromise that leaves you both satisfied. If hes willing to throw away a promise to his mother just because things are difficult now, what makes you think he wouldnt do the same to you? Its a daunting prospect to consider and I dont blame the letter writer for wanting out (on a purely emotional level). However, its just for a short while. You may have your husband because there are underlying differences you refused to settle. Now that we have a toddler Ive really had to remind my husband about it. Maybe next time fucking wait till you have your shit together? Clearly, she does not seem capable of living alone without some care. The honey thing? Eventually, a few years later, they had to put her into a nursing home. Can your husband take over the majority of the care work for the children, including the baby, while also looking after his mother? Talk about sweet! I do stroke rehabilitation with older adults and one of the nasty parts of having a stroke is that sometimes peoples strokes leave them with defecits in self awareness, attention, balance, problem solving and social skills. Who the fuck cares? If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com. His dad moved states, and they now have a strained relationship. And honestly if a post stroke victim is living in shitty conditions maybe you can be a little more compassionate? Stay calm and think it through to evaluate your marriage and save it from crumbling. This is why I love this site any arguements due to misreadings are address and moved on from quickly. Could you be transferring aggression? Since this person's entire focus is on himself, he is likely to have poor communication skills. You can also take the advice of many marriage counselors and therapists if you need more enlightenment. I didn't care because we were 16 & I kept secrets from my parents too so who cares. Dont be so damn condescending just because you dont believe in how she parented 30 years ago or whenever. Once the wife tables her grievances and apologizes, the couple goes right back to loving each other. It sounds like the son wants to collect her money and provide the care himself. No matter how much you love your spouse, there will be days when you hate their guts. They probably werent stationed anywhere near the MIL so her condition was a surprise. )and its very different. They are inseparable. She never lets him get discouraged. I walked around the corner into the kitchen and the knife was right there, almost touching me. something random I havent cared for an in-law but I have lived with someone in hospice care who could no longer take care of themselves long term. You probably hate him because he is flawed. Promise or no, he does not owe allegiance to his mother OVER them. am i projecting like a mfer? The very day we got to her house she began accusing us of taking things, and just finding any and every complaint she could find to make. Probably not the last. I mean seeing all that T&A surely must have messed him up. A central . As for being totally unaware of the current state of her MILs condition before they moved in? Your spouse is your stepchild. That could have been her husband too, though. It also means you acknowledge these differences and align with them. You know- where folks can get an apartment-type setup, but they can get the level of help they need- be it someone to clean once a week or day or to help them get to appointments or take meds or whatever. We were always made responsible if our youngest sister got angry or had a tantrum. An experienced therapist will offer you strategic ways to communicate with your spouse. Soooo I think that Husband promised to step in and take care of his mother. I understand that you dont feel comfortable allowing her to care for your children. June 18, 2015, 8:40 am. They had to know going in what the situation would be like, but hey! Am I wrong for wanting my husband to break his promise to his mother that he made sooo long ago? Im sure she *wants* to do those things, like take care of herself and clean her house, but she physically *cant*. Recollect how happy you were on your wedding day? Get her somewhere with regular care or take care of her, just quit using her for her money. And I do think there is a contradiction on the part of the LW in accepting support but being unwilling to return it in kind. ele4phant, Im with you. She always signed my birthday cards, but it wasnt legible because she couldnt write. i hate my husband because of his mother santa margherita chianti classico 2014 intertops sports betting i hate my husband because of his mother May 10, 2022 However, you should check yourself when you start, The Significance and Importance of Forgiveness in a Marriage, We think they have failed and hate them when they dont meet our. You do know that years ago it wasnt well known that babies shouldnt have honey, right? I think it is time you all started looking into retirement community-type things. by recognizing they are different from you through their opinions, experiences, and values. I screamed to avoid throwing something like my phone at his face, or my fist at the wall. The best way to show you love your partner is through respect. 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