No more MC!! It was comforting to know that I had friends who completely understood. LOL I loved TryingHards additions to ShiftingImps list. He said NO. There is truly a level of viciousness, deceit, and cruelty involved that goes beyond the common affair. Id sign that petition. You bet he could. And today received the nicest loving-est text from my H I have had in 6 weeks. Day 6 today. Work hard on making yourself happy, healthy, and strong (emotionally & physically). She wanted to press charges at the time. Yes I was furious. Since my circle of trust is so small he has no info about me at all, so he is coming over to take the temperature. We get through it with work and fortitude and determination and hope but you dont.get.over.it. But now I have my own activities and social life separate from him. You are not alone in this struggle called life. O the negative side, he is now saying he does not think R will work BECAUSE he has done so much damage to me, to the M, our intimate relationship etc. It did more for me than my sessions with a counselor. He is on my team however at first I had to school him a bit as he was in the classic men stray for a reason mode effectively blaming me for my H abandoning me and cheating. I know it doesnt seem like it now but he is lost right now. They do not have the capacity to hold the space for me, for whatever reason. I look at their actions and any one of these women is around at any time to give relief to the hurting soul. I also hope you can keep the business together and as I said he can always be hired back as an employee but never an owner. She would just politely detach. Do you really need to be saddled with this sad sausage shit show? I look back and know that shed checked out on me in early 2015. Secondly I have done my sums, paperwork and legal but its all just sitting there until I green light that step. And by standing up to her you will stop being a doormat and it may become more difficult for the A to continue. Listening to each other..receiving and giving support is what helps us get through and a come a little closer to finding our own healing and peace. I cant believe all the things you were also dealing with (a death in the family too Im sorry that would be more then I could ever handle. I cant tell you what to do. ): I want X and I want Y too and Im having that etc!! Not good. You are def in my good thoughts daily. Meanwhile my Plan B is formulating. Even the trickiest problems are easily resolved, and, of course, everyone lives happily ever after. And mid life is not just 50s or 60s it can happen in 30s or 40s too. I think let it be for a while. Revisionist. Little by little. Get a massage or a pedi/mani, go to a show but get out of the house. It doesnt sound like he could commit to his favorite flavor of ice cream. Besides IT JUST COULDNT BE. Such a relief not to be in the struggle zone. I keep myself busy and make sure my happiness is met. TryingHards Grandpa called it fish or cut bait. I decided that if H wants to help or fix something Ill let him but I have zero expectations and Ill keep it in a restricted zone as I dont feel very strong. Dont contact him. Took up cooking to become a chef The spark and love are back. I think he is going out on dates on weekends. I did tell him to go be with her if thats what he really wanted but instead he said he wanted our M but did nothing to focus on it choosing to mourn the end of the A ((until it resumed a few weeks later)). Gawd. If they were the Hs would be all happy and shiny. You are now the head of the household. And with that, my great, great grandmother swam out to the steamboat as her daughter watched her be pulled aboard by the crew. Featuring flavors ranging from both parents and a combination of. Every calming mantra I had in my arsenal went out the window! I had a rubber mallet in my car. If Ive helped ONE person here then my time spent here has been worthwhile. I just remember that I got to a point where I decided that I would be fine no matter the outcome. Then when you get back in a few days maybe reach out to him. The pretending to move thing was a way of showing me he was detaching too, distancing. The BS would/could not have predicted it. So damn hard to do. While I was gone he started calling me and we started having pretty good conversations. And yes to cutting toxic people out of my life. The free range policy in our home was for him to do his thing at anytime the conditions were right, family commitments aside. How strange to have to do all this with the person who you trusted the most and who is now the most dangerous risk of all to your emotional and financial health and wellbeing. Thanks again for your kind words.you guys are the best!! The selective truth thing is messed up. Although a woman by her very nature is called to motherhood. They have to make their own choices but they also have to live with the consequences of those choices. Thats interesting. Hes so blinded by the fog and the OW that he cant see his own backside. I dint know anything about Australian divorce. I was dumb and wanted to trust. Its all youre fault his poor sons penis HAD to fall into another womans available vagina!!! Ok thats good. Listen up. Im thinking of calling a meeting with him to put MC or D squarely on the table and see what happens. I would have difficulty getting past that comment. I certainly dont flatter MYSELF thinking people are hanging on my every word!! My first x tossed a full 16 ounce glass of milk in my face. Those are my terms. Make friends who will lift you up, not bring you down. Some cases of runaway brides are caused by having made romantic compromises. Blessings on you folks. But its the closest to my old H I have had in this whole time. Why the Runaway Bride ran away. It is a hard to describe living with your H and feeling like you are bring compared to the OW. That may be a make or break moment. He was hoping the MC would talk sense into me and facilitate an amicable divorce. Has he contacted you at all? Talk about red flags!!! I have spent time relating to those who do choose to speak up. He may fight you but thats ok. Everything should be peachy! I was going forward with the divorce and as a matter of fact I was going out that night 3 1/2 months later and find a man like hed been telling me to for weeks. Like you I tried to be nice and supportive to win my H back. I am the husband who was abandoned by a wayward wife. I agree I deserve better. Hindsight, as they say, is 20/20. Not in a million years. H should be rocking in full of confidence and swagger now that he has a new woman and new life etc. I am wary but as he has never offered to do anything for me since the day he left, I accepted. I guess he saw that I was at the point of frustration that hed never seen. This will be natural. Scaring the hell out of the OW was certainly a trump card for me. I cant watch a Brad Pitt film now because he is a cheater. Now!!! If she wants to apologize for her actions Ill listen and decide whether she is just full of shit or sincere. I felt so alone and unique in my pain. JTK I only got red flags when I was around her at the office. To hell with her. Get your bulldog accountant and lawyer go after everything they can. So in your experience, do you assess I havent yet seen the real meltdown? I wish you could sit my H down and explain it to him from a guys perspective. Right now hes scared and or defensive and ashamed and scared. Well I knew a little bit about addiction as far as alcohol and drugs and what happened there. Be strong, be confident, be in control. I understand how you feel and yes I will never get over the fact that you can walk on the door and demand a D with no explanation. Regardless, YOU GOT THIS. But I just know hes got to be thinking What have I done? It was a great life for 18 months not being told I love you, good morning, good night, how was your day, etc. But the power is with you, youre the only person who can reverse this snowball.. I made life pretty damn easy for him. Im going to try to feel my way into the right direction. Hes the one with the most troubled second marriage and an ex wife. Re Christmas and the holidays. Or, my personal fave: Youre too smart for me, I cant fight you Totally understandable. He yelled do it again I deserve it. The pain of it is in our heart, its in the pit of our stomachs. Its been 2 years for me and the grief is still there to a point. I too wanted my ex to recognize her faults in this. Making me want him, beg etc, punishment. At the time, he was my best friend. Trying to figure out how an affair happened, how your spouse suddenly went from being a partner to being a complete stranger is NOT like diagnosing heart disease. Yet somehow it was in hers. You cut off the visit as you have a meeting elsewhere. But its hard but it also will give you lots of perspective too. Psychic much? I said Nope, not going to happen. Day was night would that make it true?? And the same would be true for my H. So he is on a different learning curve to me obviously. It may be he never finds them. To have the inability to move on and allow yourself to be insulted is pointless and shows a real lack of maturity. We dont like the same books or movies or food etc. Ok I admit it sometimes I was very strident about it. Great advice. No, good gawd no. Worried about my financial future. I just knew they were in there. Anyway, I told him when I saw him last that I loved the honorable and steadfast, loyal person you were before this mess. Anyway, off my soapbox. I cried once, when he said I was amazing and still hot (puke) and there would be men lining up for me (double puke). Not easy. SI. One of the things that differentiate runaway spouses from spouses caught in regular affairs is that the betrayed spouse simply did not feel it happening on any level. Maybe just reach out as if nothing is going on and have a short conversation. At first I was begging and pleading at least for a conversation as to what the hell just happened here. Hes had a taste of freedom (which is a false sense of freedom more accurately) however R is probably going to seem like a backwards move to him in his current misguided quest for some half-baked idea of self actualisation. Full fist. Other peoples sensibilities rather than my ACTUAL PAIN. I wondered as SI and TH said whether a death of a person is more straight forward in a way. Im trying to communicate there are serious issues here. And that last statement is just plain and utter bullshit that can be parsed later. To tell you the honest truthI havent thought about them all that much. Ang Runaway bride syndrome (gamophobia, gametophobia) usa ka komplikado nga mga kinaiya nga dili maayo nga kinaiya nga wala'y kalabotan sa sakit sa pangisip. And if they do talk to you all they will say is stuff that hurts like we just want our son to be happy or worse what did YOU do to drive him into the arms of another woman? The events I write of were recorded in a family journal, but my great, great-grandmothers perspective on why she did this will never be known. That actually really shows me my instincts on this are correct. I pointed out to him how could I ever truly believe he wants R (as we were discussing) if he cant even commit to a dinner with his W on a Saturday night. 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